Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
