you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My cat gives me a boner
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
