I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
