If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
