At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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