Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
