All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
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As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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