i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
