If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
