The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
