So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
