he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
