No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
