Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
