Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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