saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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