happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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