Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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