You're completely useless in the revolution.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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