I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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