Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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