Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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