i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
