I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
