and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
