My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
