Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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