why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
