Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Sober January is a disaster.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
