I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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