cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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