Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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