So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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