Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
