it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
