I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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