billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
