Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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