OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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