His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
