He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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