Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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