I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
