Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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