I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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