Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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