first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
