Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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