I met the friendliest cop last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
