I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
