i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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