I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
