All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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