Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
