Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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