wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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