I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize