Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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