babies were throwing up all over the place
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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