She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you traded sex for a burrito?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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