even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
