And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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