I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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