they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
