do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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