Your face is a jimmy john
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying