jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.