sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.