ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.