Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...