Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(