Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
