Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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