I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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