Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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