I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
